BaCK iN aNd OuT aGaiN

A blank new sheet of paper in hopes to unravel more mysteries. Are there anymore left? Why do I become weak in care and want care when I am weak. What is it that has made me weak and as I look into the abyss I asee the place where were I used to be. That one, the throne perhaps that I will let no one else set the name on. You know this. I am falling again, I don't even have reasons anymore. Just feels like another wave, pushed into the sand again and up again, a gasp of air. The thing is, I don't want to trust anyone anymore, and I want to do things until I prove myself wrong again. It will be just like going back and forth and haven't we done that enough all these years? My writings have become shorter nowadays. Guess even I have outgrown the initial honeymoon phase of self-love with myself.

My current self is trusting my future self with my soul, cause I can't seem to hold on to it right now. I am trusting my future self as though it were my life. Maybe I'm losing myself or it was already lost or maybe I don't even realize its there lingering like a mystery. But, my soul will shine the light and hopefully lead me back to myself. I might even want to shun the light away, have I? Probably, alread might have.

The longer I take, the more I feel like secure in the idea of a future self, yet weaker with time in my current being. I am not sure I understand it. More care, more strength? We, my past, current, and future selves know what we have done to each other. We know and we believe that one day this is going to be okay. That one day, you (my future self) and I (current self) will do the things we'd like to do with each other.

<3

haha