UnQuestioNEd DeSiRe

I would like to meet you with a clear heart.
You sat there at the banks of the river, holding your camera in your hand, radiating a child-like curiousity.
At that moment, I wanted to be by your side, but in that moment you wanted to capture me.
I think I finally realized, that my want of you and my need of you as a force in my life is reaching new heights.
It's not the intoxication of love but another journey further into the depths of the universe and closer to you.
I have come to know how to get back to the place I met you, the place where I found you.
I would like to stop questioning... for now I don't want any answers.

EcLiPsEd iLLuMiNaTEd FRaGMENTs

Tears of overwhelming happiness roll down my face that I may never find a partner, but, atleast, my closest friends are a little less lonely in their own lives.

Happiness of knowing and believing that there is something bigger that connects us all.

That inevitably, despite all the madness in the battlefield of my mind, I am still loved and that love still exists.

Writing is therapeutic when the warmth of the bed is forbidden. Just the way the pen rolls of the paper and the hands flow in creation of something like an action of momentary pleasure.

On the brink of madness again
An obsession for love
An obsession for loneliness
Released and gone
Into the dark corners
Sometimes fragments come to life in the shadows
Eclipsed, illuminated fragments.

BaCK iN aNd OuT aGaiN

A blank new sheet of paper in hopes to unravel more mysteries. Are there anymore left? Why do I become weak in care and want care when I am weak. What is it that has made me weak and as I look into the abyss I asee the place where were I used to be. That one, the throne perhaps that I will let no one else set the name on. You know this. I am falling again, I don't even have reasons anymore. Just feels like another wave, pushed into the sand again and up again, a gasp of air. The thing is, I don't want to trust anyone anymore, and I want to do things until I prove myself wrong again. It will be just like going back and forth and haven't we done that enough all these years? My writings have become shorter nowadays. Guess even I have outgrown the initial honeymoon phase of self-love with myself.

My current self is trusting my future self with my soul, cause I can't seem to hold on to it right now. I am trusting my future self as though it were my life. Maybe I'm losing myself or it was already lost or maybe I don't even realize its there lingering like a mystery. But, my soul will shine the light and hopefully lead me back to myself. I might even want to shun the light away, have I? Probably, alread might have.

The longer I take, the more I feel like secure in the idea of a future self, yet weaker with time in my current being. I am not sure I understand it. More care, more strength? We, my past, current, and future selves know what we have done to each other. We know and we believe that one day this is going to be okay. That one day, you (my future self) and I (current self) will do the things we'd like to do with each other.

<3

haha